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Hey @Forrest I've generally thought I'm a "freezer" but listening to this episode I'm leaning more to a "flighter" (flyer). You mentioned on the episode something about freeze being a primitive flight response, if I heard that correctly. My question is: what is the difference between flight and freeze response? And, probably the more important question, are there substantially different ways to address each?

I have been binging your videos since I recently discovered your channel. I have to say I really love your conversations and they help me a lot.

Excellent. Thanks

Personal experience.....don't go out and get a major psychological test for $1500 when you have BPD/CPTSD or everything overlaps... I came back with almost every disorder (including SID Schizo) and it all boiled down to ADHD & CPTSD. Even ASD was ruled out, even though I have a full baseline for it - apparently caused from CPTSD. The absolute worst part may make you think you are autistic.

Great dad and son, love this show. Both my parents were young narcissists with addictions who neglected and abandoned their children and ruined the siblings relationships with triangulation and gaslighting. I'm exploited to this day and finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

Such great info. Forrest, your intelligence just seeps out!

This is so helpful. Thanks for posting

I have PTSD and my stress is really eating me up inside😞

This is a beautiful discussion. I am 62 and a healthy, retired school teacher. I continue to SERVE., regularly at my local food bank which truly values the role of volunteers. They respect our experience and ask our opinions about how to make the organization better. I love it! I'm creative , planning our next home in the country. Daily gratitude practice and I regularly refer to Pemas book, Start where you Are.. Thank you both for your respect, love for each other and deep , reflective conversation.

What she says is so true . Even the title of the book resonated so much with me - " adult children of EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PARENTS " I am 36 yrs and I still suffer the impact of my parents emotionally immature behaviours .i still long for that love and emotional connection with people . I now realise , i have never growm older and i m still a child looking for solid human relationships

Thank you for this! I don't know how many times i've rewatched the "Facing the fear of our authentic self being seen" part. Really hit home for me!

Hi! I can't find the video on the faun response. Can anyone help? I must be blind or something haha.

LOVE THIS SO MUCH! Please do an episode specifically on fawn! 🙏✨

The insight about comfort vs. safety is a good one. It’s especially common nowadays to appeal to safety when really it’s about comfort. I’ve tried to explain this to a therapist before and it just comes off as “I’m selfish.” Because honestly, it oftentimes is selfish. But this explains it a bit better.

Wow. I’ve been binging your content for weeks now, so happy to have found you, but as a half-Russian and half-African who has only recently started recovering from the collective guilt and grief and overcoming the helplessness which I hope you can imagine ordinary citizens feel in Russia as well, while also having to navigate the hate fuelled by western propaganda and the undeserved scapegoating based on the mere nationality that doesn’t define us as human beings, I can’t continue listening to this episode or maybe at all for that matter, because of how much judgment you place in the first minutes without even mentioning the other side of the coin, and while I came to keep healing, I got re-traumatised. Not to mention the hypocrisy, while the US is if not starting then meddling with every existing political conflict on the planet, including the aforementioned, preventing it from ending and dragging it forever, accelerating hate and trauma in the world. I’m flabbergasted that you guys decided to spread the judgment on, given your profound understanding of trauma. How do Germans feel being in Europe? How do you guys feel after using the atomic bombs on Japan? I don’t think that it is ok to make people who couldn’t do anything to prevent a conflict beyond their control suffocate in toxic shame, while having no accountability or remorse for one’s own part. I wasn’t realising that the compassion you were talking about was selective. I really hope you can see this in the aftermath, cause if not, it’s a shame. What was that Oath again all the doctors and the mental health professionals by extension are sworn by? Hypocritical? Or Hippocratic?

Wow, great job. I really appreciate how you actually listen to the people you are interviewing.

Loved the topic! I watched it twice. The second time just to observe the 2 of you interacting with each other. Love it!

I cried watching this. Just turned 50 undiagnosed still. Went into a huge rejection spiral around my birthday and isolated for the whole month...

this is one of the best explanations ive heard. it shouldn't be so hard! I appreciate you doing it well and compassionately

Parents may choose to have A Child, but they don’t get to choose that particular child.

There is NO cure for trauma bc it is etched in your brain. However, as you grow older, it becomes easier to bear.

Thanks

Mr Levine is a beautiful soul.

Forrest! I’m a long time listener to your podcast and first time commenter. I just wanted to say that you and your dad make such an amazing team, and I have benefitted in so many ways from your content. It is brilliant, helpful and healing in its own right and it’s been an incredible resource to me in my own healing journey. I also really rate the work of Lindsay Gibson and I am fairly well versed in her writing but this is one of the best interviews I’ve seen with her. Super clear, super concise and helpful insights. Thank you! I just felt moved to share my appreciation

Dr Lindsay I need a book on dating as a child of EI parents. Please! I’m 48 and don’t want to be alone the rest of my life, having never felt truly loved.

The title is why i bought the book I didn’t even know if that was what was going on with my parents, but it rang true. And after reading it, it has taught me so much about protecting myself and what healthy reactions look like. It’s explained why I respond the way I do. And how to change that. Thanks Dr Lindsay.

Just the calmness and taking your time to explain each concept that both of you discussed made me feel safe, seen and calm. I plan to relisten to this again because I am still working through so much of this.

Beautiful. Thank you.

*laughs in autism*

Dr. Brewer seems like such a great human being.

My God what a treat to hear these calm and healing voices. Big fan of all three of your voices. In my personal experience the pitch of the voice becoming less and less shrill and vibratory is a sign of one’s nervous system healing from trauma. And deeper the voice become more healing it gets for the people around you.

You forgot ageism...it's way more prevalent than any other cultural bias I've ever encountered. It inhibits medical treatment for starters, let alone every aspect of life less essential. It's taken several doctors to find one who didn't dismiss my education and self awareness because of my age and attempt to undermine any personal power - even when their diagnosis is wrong. It's literally life threatening. It's so insidious in anyone younger that they are entirely unconscious that they are doing it. We need you. This is the common sense we are all craving in the crazy dysfunctional environment we are navigating. I'd buy your book, just fyi...Thank you.

Does she provide resources that help emotionally immature people to recognize this and how to change?

I was diagnosed with asperger's at six years old (so likely autism level 1 now) and was born into a family of Jehovah's Witnesses, basically a conservative Christian church with a high enough level of cultural control that you might call it a cult. I absorbed it's messages more deeply than my parents ever did (they treated me well actually), and I learned to "sour grapes" my way out of anything I wanted for myself and tell myself that I was broken (and not just because lf the autism). That, on top of the near-constant little t trauma that we autistic people seem to all experience. I've wasted about a decade since High School continuing to do this, delaying any attempt at pursuing the life that I want despite the reasons for that defense mechanism being long gone. Point is, thanks for this, I'm trying to rebuild my life (It's gonna be so, so, SO much better) and this came at the right time.

i have been formally diagnosed with CPTSD and i’m in intense therapy where my therapist is using tapping and EMD. So far so good 😊

Is there a transcript of this podcast?

As a woman driver in one of the harshest cities in the world to drive in - Delhi - I found myself smiling in amusement at a car speeding and cutting me off while blaring an illegal siren. I would have got so dysregulated and rageful normally but I was listening to this interview just before. Shows that even a conversation about the right therapy with the right therapists is therapeutic hahaha. Thank you to both Forrest and Jacob for this gem of an interview. When Jacob wonders at around 50:00 if the regulating effect extended to listeners as well, here I am telling him that it did ❤

I love to hear you two talk with so much kindness and it gives me hope that there are men in the world who do not want to do harm and that there can be trustful relationships between parent and child! Please do the episode on finding safety in yourself with a lot of dissociation (and calmness/quiet/slow breathing is a big trigger). I have struggled with this my whole life! Even with not knowing where the line goes to the “normal” need of connection! I feel like I want others to fill the big void stemming from childhood but essentially ask for very little. Understanding dissociation and living with it as a mother who wants to be present is so hard. But complex PTSD is not recognized yet in the country I live in and very few therapists know how to work with it. Also I would love to hear your thoughts about Functional neurological disorders/dissociative seizures since they are in the same complex for me as the above. I pass out when not even freezing is giving me a feeling of safety anymore.

I Love this conversation ❤Thank you so much for all this reflektion ❤

Your summaries at the end are great. So useful.

such a great episode. please do one on the flight response.

I appreciate these insights that recently came to without having the words: * Understand and trust that my body and my brain need me to slow down and/to process some stuff that I might have repressed during the rest of the month (or my life) *Separating your sense of I from the PMDD

Oooh. I'm only 11 minutes in and really hoping this is gonna help me deal with the fact that when I'm trying to fall asleep lately, my brain likes to show me a little movie of what it would look like if I fell down my basement stairs. Thanks, brain. 😕

So many adults are like that.

I'm really glad Forrest had Dr Jacob Ham on the podcast as Dr Ham brought up things with Forrest that I have felt needed addressing. I don't think Forrest's realises the extent to his detachment to emotional states and as a person who is making youtube videos about mental health and they way he is with his partner Elizabeth this is very important he realises this.

"The mistery of wanting..." 🤔

If you used darker drawings, that would help you illustrate your theories.

I moved from a continent to another when I was 15 and got into the hardest depersonalization/derealization (DP/DR). It was so overwhelming I didn't know wtf was happening to me. Only 10 years later I first read about DP/DR and finally I felt understood. Luckily it wore off over the years, but I'd say I still feel 20% of it (or I simply got so used to it that I think it's normal, I don't know). One thing is clear: when I was a kid life felt more real and somehow everything was so normal. Now I feel like everything is a movie and I'm working on autopilot. Been 16 years now.

I used to believe I was emotionally immature when I left out of toxic relationships. I’m a peacemaker. I don’t like violence and I try to avoid it at all costs. When my adult daughter gets into these passive aggressive rages and when I calmly respond for her to stop the verbal abuse, she tries to provoke rage from me, so I leave. And abandonment is a part of our history. When I had her I was turning 20 years old, not ready but accepted my responsibility due to my poor decision making. Both of my parents were addicted to drugs. Both were absent and emotionally unstable. I tried hard not to resemble that behavior to the best of my abilities. My daughter holds me to the past, and I can no longer be her punching bag as I’m still healing my personal wounds, as well as trying to heal our relationship. She blames me for everything because her biological father has been absent her entire life. I get it all. I often feel guilty for having to walk away from her and try to remove myself knowing I’m responsible for her state of mind but I then have to tell myself that she is now a mom, and it is now her responsibility to heal for her own sake and to stop looking at me to keep blaming. I’ve held myself accountable and apologized continuously and it feels like she uses my ability to see the problem and it angers her because I’m actually doing the work and if I’m doing the work then who would she blame. I believe she wants to sit in this energy to emotionally manipulate people for support in the effort to make me the bad guy and isolate people from me. I’m not perfect. But I know when I’m being scapegoated for someone else’s satisfaction. I feel bad now that I know her state of mind and now she has a child and the child throws temper tantrums for everything and the way she responds matches his behavior and he’s a toddler 😢

You guys are awesome, it’s wonderful info that I will have to listen to many times, for me to absorb. It sounds and feels spot on for me! Thank you!!😊